June 25, 2014:
You’re gone. I cried in my best friend’s arms until my mother brought me home. Three people told me I deserve better, I don’t believe them.
July 11, 2014:
“The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” Here I am, under him and nowhere near over you. I almost call you but don’t, I kiss him back instead.
July 29, 2014:
We smoked on the back porch. He kissed me and I laughed. I’m not sure if it was the high or because I still belonged to you.
August 15, 2014:
He calls me to tell me he loves me. Three times. I tell him to put the bottle down and call me tomorrow. It was late and I did not love him. He was mine, I was still yours.
August 23, 2014:
You text me and tell me not to end myself. If I really loved you I wouldn’t do it. I put the pills down and delete your number.
September 5, 2014:
I’m spinning in circles on the roof, he grabs my waist and kisses my neck. I laugh and I’m happy. I love him back.
September 17, 2014:
We fall asleep on his bed, he holds me close and begs me to stay. He tells me I’m the one good thing he has. I kiss him goodnight and get into my mother’s car.
October 6, 2014:
His tie matches my dress and our insides are stained with vodka. He pours his heart into my hands and I pour another drink. I love him first.
October 15, 2014:
“Happy birthday beauty.” He comes to see me and I no longer feel like ice. The way he looks at me in the dimly lit room sets my soul on fire.
October 31, 2014:
He holds me in one hand and a bottle in the other. He ejects his toxic regret into the trash can. I shouldn’t have looked through his phone. With a sunken heart I tell him to go fuck himself. His apologies are slurred and his dad picks us up, let’s go. I do not hold his hand on the way home.
November 1, 2014:
You tell me you had the whole world in your heart and you lost it. You lost me and you can’t forgive yourself. You tell me I deserve better and I almost believe you.
December 10, 2014:
The boys I thought had ruined me are simply scratches on the backs of my fists, now. I fall asleep alone but never lonely. I deserve better.
— how i let them go (via teenangry)
